The concept of Ain and the grasping of it

Ain is within the Kabbalah the concept of Nothingness from which everything emanates. It was first brought forth by Sephardi Jews during 12th century under the influence of neoplatonism and sufi mysticism. The concept is well mystified by the rabbis and learned men since then under the claims of being ungraspable. Ain is everything and nothing, the great in the small, both macro- and microcosm, neither active nor passive and so on. Those versed in the jargon of mysticism can relate better to these definitions of Ain, but those new to mysticism will have many questions regarding the nature and properties of Ain. In this text I will try an apophatic approach to Ain in hopes to shed some light on it.

It is very difficult for us to imagine something absolute (let alone a Divine Absolute) due to various reasons. Some might say our consciousness isn't evolved enough, that we only use 10% of our brains and if we would use the rest then we would be able to grasp it. The notion that we only use 10% of our brain is false not only from a neurological perspective but also from an evolutionary one. Why would we develop a brain of that size if we'll only use 10% of it. It makes no sense. Others will claim that we are not meant to grasp the Absolute. There is a reason why God is beyond our senses and we are but species with limitations. We are not supposed to (at least by default) be able to imagine it. So the image of a bearded old man is but a poor attempt to imagine the Absolute. Just as we'd try to imagine how traveling through a black hole would be. Empirically speaking it's difficult enough to actually locate a black hole, let alone travel through it. But let's get back to Ain. The apophatic approach implies describing something by negations, that is by what that speciffic something is Not.

There are two types of nothingness or void or emptiness. One is the graspable one and the other is Ain. The first one is simple to define since it bases upon the premise that it exists because of the lack of something. Imagine a room that has No-Thing in it. No furniture, no carpets, no pictures on the walls. We call it an empty room since it's supposed to inhabit something, some properties. Or we say that the room is void (of things) or that it has nothing in it. This is thus a graspable nothingness. We can imagine it. Even if we close our eyes we can say that we see nothingness. That can be explained in two different ways. The nothingness because the lack of reality - created by the deprivation of light hitting our retinas and thus creating reality. Another is that the nothingness or void we see when we close our eyes is often blackness. Or we imagine nothingness to be total blackness or sometimes total whiteness. Black and white are achromatic, that is they are non-colours, which means what we imagine as nothingness (black or white) is a lack of colour. Our graspable envisioning of nothingness is grounded thus in the idea that nothingness is a lack of something.

Ain is not that kind of nothingness. It is not of an instrumental validity as the former - that is, it only exists because one has taken something from it and it will cease the moment one adds something to it. The nothingness, void or emptiness of Ain is axiomatic. It is nothingness in, through and out of itself and that is why we cannot imagine it. While this does not make it clearer how to imagine Ain, it does make it clearer how not to do it. It is perhaps of no small surprise that we cannot envision Ain. We are after all not an absolute species, we evolve constantly. Ain on the other hand is unchangeable. It cannot be divided, multiplied or counted. On the other hand it is not impossible that we can be able to get nearer understanding it through various mystical techniques of counsciousness change, but we will never be able to fully grasp it in its entirety.


R.I.P. Peter "Sleazy" Christopherson

Peter "Sleazy" Christopherson
(27.II.'955 - 24.XI.'010)

It certainly wasn't "easy to be Sleazy". May he reach Kether and unite with his Holy Guardian Angel and find Jhonn as well in the limitless ocean of negative light. Words are superfluous, as is this post. But since we both worship(ed) the Glitch...


Anhedonian Covenant

There is a necessity for knowledge

Which plunges us deeper into the maze,

And thus we walk astray

Plagued by hunger and of thirst

With just our tears and sweat to silence them.

Our bread is made from bitter soil

And rays of sun like acid burns our flesh,

Like poisoned arrows pierce our souls,

But still we progress further into madness.

The baseness of our selves,

Divided into incongruous hypostasis

Serves but little to affirm the iniquity

To which we submit each step we take,

Each world we set in flames

And hide among its ashes.

Lo! I block the streams that you created

So I may create Tehôm out of your existence.

What you require of me is more than I can bare

And though you spread your legs

And grin like a frivolous whore

I'm overwhelmed by perdition's breath

That sweeps through me like a storm.

I am thus whole when I am empty,

Holy when I'm cursed,

Caught in a maelstrom of illusion

From which I struggle to be free.


O Rubor Sanguinis

Remove the veils you do not need
And cross the threshold
To the very edge
Of your humanity.
What once was yours
You must get rid of
Take the plunge and swim
Then rise above debris.
O ruby bloodwhich flowed from on highwhere divinity touched.
Embrace the sentiments
You thought made you weak
And build a grand cathedral
From your tears.
You are the secret gardner
In a place nearby,
A place sometimes called Eden
Sometimes sweet, sometimes vile.
You are a flowerthat the winterof the serpent's breathcan never injure.

Turn your wind whipped face
Towards the eclipsed sun
A voice behind you whispers:
"Your time has come."

Words in italics by Hildegard von Bingen.


Joie de vivre

Möt mig i Haiti, älskling
Där jag har ett litet tempel
Bakom en bar i Saint-Marc
Fylld med rökelse och skallben.
Baron Samedi är pastor
Han ler stort och röker cigg,
Mellan shots av Southern Comfort
Förenar själen vår med sin.

Jag finns även i Shambala
Om du tror dig hitta dit,
Möjligtvist är du min Kalki
Ridande naken och fri.
Vi dricker soma tillsammans,
Skådar vår apokalyps
Och när allt på jorden tystnat
Kanske får vi sinnesfrid.

Vi kan även ses vid Somme
Krypandes i skyttegravar,
Månaderna går så långsamt
Vi är utsvultna och svaga.
Du är mitt stålbad, min kära
Skarp som preussisk bajonett
För mig finns det ingen fara
När du träder in i mig.

För Oberammergau, 2o1o


Bury Me Deep

Bury me besides James Joyce
In a hollowed common grave.
I have seen the world pass by,
I have seen it fade away.
And whenever things go blind
There's a flicker at the end;
But it's not the other side,
Just a locomotive's head.

Bury me with Dylan Thomas,
I don't care the way I go.
Gently, violently, apathetic,
These are but metaphors of
Senses that can't be described
Senses that cannot be shared.
There is just one common feeling,
Angst of being in this world,
Where we have no common purpose
To surrender or prevail.

To the bootlegers who outsmarted Prohibition agents on this day 1928.


The divine is in thy self

Dr. Timothy Leary has been a part of pop culture since the 60s. From being mentioned in the widely acclaimed musical "Hair" to influencing artists such as John Lennon, Devo and Ash Ra Tempel, dr. Timothy Leary is more than meets the eye. To some he is a guru of post-modern enlightenment, while to others he is the Antichrist corrupting youths everywhere with his devious theories on LSD. The man and myth are always two separate things, but what I would like to emphasize is dr. Leary's neurological studies and metaprogramming of the mind.

Hear him speak in the audio reception linked to below of how one can operate the brain in order to free oneself from socio-moral chains and implemented patterns one has grown up with. Robert Anton Wilson has developed further on his circuit theory and I highly recommend his "Prometheus Rising" book. However at the same time we must not forget the pioneers of free thinking that have promulgated similar ideas throughout history. Is dr. Leary a pioneer? Not in the traditional sense and besides the question is irrelevant. Other magicians, shamans, philosophers and physicians before him have spoken of the same things he has, but he took these ideas out of the world of academia and religion and gave them to the people; from occultism to pop culture. This is much in the same fashion Aleister Crowley made magick available to a wider audience and disregarded the idea of elitism. That is because "every man and woman is a star" and within everyone lies great potential. Enjoy the audio file and for further studies check up introductory books to neuropsychology/neurology.


Apotheosis of The Heart

My beloved, as you have obeyed and served in my presence but so much more in my absence, find your way out of the pit alone and reach towards salvation on your own. I love you but I feel that I can hate you even more and though these polarities are but the same and draw themselves to one another, I cannot look upon your countenance without a sense of doubt. I'm your sheath as you're my knife, I hold your matter and control your force with a carefully designed whiphand, crushing down like Autumn rain on withered petals.

There is a place which no one knows, a certain place where no one goes where you are alone into the great Unknown. You swim through endless seas of negative light, wade through troubled waters just to reach the sight of something with a purpose, something with a better view, where there is no iniquity, where everything is new. I am the engineer of your soul, the mastermind with blueprints dressed in codes, signs and fashion catalogs. I pour myself from right to left, downwards to the very edge of quantic disproportions and hallucinogenic lies.

I am not the averse state of bliss you try to make me be, nor am I shelled beyond and trapped like you by trans-organic entities. My light is full and in extension, it encompasses both all and nothing. I am both positive and negative tetralemma and my very essence defies all laws of logic and of reason. I am both murderer and victim, divine lamb and infernal butcher. I am not your crutch or other kind of traveling commodity. I am not only the parts which you choose to see. I am both static and dynamic; I am free. Yes I love you boundlessly, but also hate you enormously and I cannot stay much longer just to see you get more closed, losing your form and giving into the transparency of self-deceit. Á dieu!

To Augustine of Hippo, the latent theosexual saint.


Are You Free?

Subatomic energy as avalanche to eyesight
Forms white waves on celluloid
And peels the crust off your heart.
You speak of synchronicities,
Vague post-coitus interpretations
Where there are no coincidences.
You zoomorph each time I touch you
And generate a certain glow
Of bestial-angelic cyclic madness.

Do you know where you are?
Do you know why you are where you are?
Does the back of the medal give you a rash?
Does it hurt that you can't see it neither?
The other side of the moon;
Do you shiver?
Speak in tongues so I can understand
Where's the order
In the chaos of your mind?
Doesn't it scare you to see
Strange glyphs and letters
Forming when you breathe?

You believe you can break and dissolve
The third law of motion
And demolish cornerstones.
You address all your thoughts
To the spheres above
And the neurons below.
But do you believe you can be
More than a particle
Waiting to break free?


Ontologisk utopi

En astral vision
Vid fötterna av berg Zion
Och jag mår elva gånger värre
Av nervcellernas brist på värme.
Under en sjukhusbrits
Hörs skalens skrik
Och jag försöker komma åt
Ett stege att kliva upp på.

En astral projektion
Där kvantfysiken äger rum,
Och jag är bakom dimridån
Och speglar min själ inifrån.
Ibland delar jag mig i två
Men oftast aldrig mer än så
Och alltid återvänder
Till riddarn Newtons regler.

En astral injektion
Och jag är pånyttfödd
Jag drunknar i negativt ljus
Medan mitt hjärta pumpar blod.
Jag skiftar tunnlar snabbt
Det finns varken rum och fart
Och tiden den står still
För jag är alpha, jag är nihil.


In preparation for Autumn

As the reign of the invincible sun subsides and menstrual moonbeams take its place, hear o Monad our inmost prayers from the deepest chambers of our hearts. We are restless and spent and our souls thirst for darkness and stillness, to immerse ourselves in and through your light and fullness. You who are one and all, nothingness and fullness; order out of chaos and annihilating chaos shattering decrepit order, fill our lungs with your burning breath and deny the poisonous demiurgic pneumata akatharta way into our hearts and minds. Awaken and widen our ajna that we may receive your light. With persistence and endurance shall we walk into the night with you as our lantern to guide us through.